Mind Body and Spirit resource

This is my Yoga journey blog and resource with tips and hints relating to the mind, body and spirit. Collaborators, contributors are welcome to add their own journey and tips too.

You are here

by Kimm Fearnley
Bournemouth, Bournemouth, United Kingdom,
Created on 1 Jan 2017

This project is for those interested in learning more about yoga, meditation and other aspects of spirituality. It is a place to share tips and experiences, views and information with others.

Tanya Ring is a yoga and pilates teacher and Kimm Fearnley founded the Happiness Centre - a yoga and meditation centre in Yorkshire where she taught meditation and gave away the profits to good causes. Kimm, who handed over the reins of the centre a few years ago now has a social media page called The Backroom Buddha. The two friends are passionate about yoga, meditation and healthy lifestyles and intend to offer a range of articles and videos to encourage the practice of gentle exercise and meditation. 

In the first article Kimm reveals how yoga helps her to face daily challenges and Tanya talks about how emotional release can be found in yoga postures.

Collaborators:

ADD DATE

Sun, 01/01/2017
Key Interests
Guilds

One day the sky will be mine

1

This morning I walked once more into the fire that is your girlhood bedroom, in our home in Yorkshire to gather another box of your youthful treasures, burning my soul as I touch what you touched, read what you wrote and bracing myself for the tears and the longing that will inevitably engulf me. 

I reached up to a blue box of papers, notebooks and journals - marvelling at how young you were when you started to write. 

Poems, prose, diaries, book reviews, stories from primary school onwards  - always writing right up until you left. 

Now they are my treasures, a ramshackle curation of your life’s journey, of your innermost thoughts, feelings, dreams and hopes and your incredibly enlightened view of the world. 

How could you know so much of love and life at such a young age?

I pull the plastic box and the lid topples spilling some of the contents. 

I gather up the fallen, brightly patterned notebooks, letters from admonished Prime Ministers in response to your criticisms of their actions and your blue leather karate boxing gloves and I smile at your incredible wealth of accomplishments - your determination, prowess and intelligence. 

Then fluttering down from the very same box came a folded piece of lined A4 paper. 

I could see the feint outline of your neat handwriting. 

Something told me it was important - to be read right now. 

I slumped to the floor, breathing faltering, feeling you and crossed my legs on the multicoloured rug you begged from the meditation room of my yoga centre - later you took it to your own house, for your feet to step on each morning. 

I loved that you loved it so much.

I brought it back to your room here only last week. 

 

Closing my eyes, slowing my breathing with my yoga breath, my heat beating loudly in my chest, preparing for another smashing. . . 

Your words once more to floor me.. .

You wrote:

 

For Jenny

 

Just because I am gone,

And you can't see or touch me,

Doesn't mean I’m not here

Watching over you,

Guiding you. 

When I was in your world

You were my world.

I cherished every ticking second

I praised each rising sun. 

And even though my sun has set,

Every time you think of me

I shall light a new star

Until you own the sky. 

 

So now, instead of packing to head back to my home at the beach I am letting the tears of love and admiration soak my shirt and flood me with gratitude that such an extraordinary soul chose me. 

Grateful that I was lucky enough to walk with you for all of your life and 26 years and eight months of mine.

I remember you coming to find me in the kitchen with tears streaming down your cheeks, clutching your poem and asking me if I thought it would be appropriate to give it to your friend Jen who had lost her beloved dad. 

I hugged you as you cried for her loss and you spoke of feeling desperate to help her and useless in the face of her grief. 

You cried at the thought of losing me. 

I think you were 14 - perhaps a little more. 

 

Years later you had many dreams of my death and would sob as if it had actually happened. It astonished me how deeply you were affected by these haunting visions. 

For days you would be subdued and you told me it was the only thing you feared - losing me. You said that you did not think you could live in a world without me. 

I told you they were only dreams.

 

Last week I went through some of your books from your house and found a picture book I had given you. 

The inscription says you were 23. 

It was a book called The Gift. 

It was about eternal life.

My inscription says so much. 

It says so much about us. 

About our love. 

About our bond.

 

“Not even death could extinguish the love I have for you - Mum”

 

Beautiful Girl did you know? Did I?

That we were to part? 

Were we practising and feeling and preparing for what was to come?

Were you, in your dreams experiencing the loss that was to be mine?

Is it why when you knew the time to leave was close that you turned your beautiful eyes to mine, took your strong, slender hands in mine and said:

“Mum I am not afraid. This will be harder for you.”

 

I love you doesn't seem enough. 

But I do. 

Forever and beyond. 

Wait for me beautiful girl. .  . I too will be home one day - perhaps by then I will own the sky. X

0
Share:

1 Comments

2512

Sally Hughes

So very moving @Kimm Fearnley, beautiful words, stirring and true and sad and wonderful all at the same time x