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Liv Torc - 24 Dec 2019


I was so looking forward to having a break over Christmas... (facedown in a duvet, pile of steamy werewolf novels) but I can report back from the homefront.

Pre-Christmas kids are adrenaline fuelled, stir crazy, hyped up on magic and sugar... INSANE.

I’m lucky if I get to stay in bed until 7am and the whole day is spent trying to stop them Sellotaping each other to the wall. Then I have to stay up until 1am wrapping shit crap capitalist snot wank presents, all while mainlining Prosecco and Ferrero Rocher.

This morning they were fighting over a piece of string! Not even a good piece of string.

I feel like Macaulay Culkin’s mum without the amazing knitwear.




Adrian Legg

They do leave. Then you're stuck there not bothering with a tree, hoping to be called out on grandparent duty. Take string. Games like making them eat currants with chopsticks are good, but sweat up your dominoes technique or face disgrace. Eight and up, get the show-off child to do calculations in Roman numerals, but keep notes handy in case they really get it and lose you.


Ralph Pettingill

Isn't Christmas great...